Random Daily Musings

So much time is spent “doing.”  We work work work for the paychecks that will pay our bills, that just keep accumulating.  We clean the bathroom, kitchen, windows, only to watch them slowly, annoyingly, dishearteningly acquire more filth, which we will once more, again, be forced to wipe/scrub/sponge off.  We purchase new electronical devices to replace the ones that we’ve outlasted, and will again, certainly buy replacements for those, as well. The Sundays we devote to doing laundry, buying groceries, exacting financial plans come again…and again, every week.  We start our Mondays “fresh,” and by Saturday, everything is once again in disarray, but thankfully, Sunday is always there.  Again.  We continuously roll the boulder uphill, only to watch it come right back towards us over and over…again.  We are Sisyphus, and with time, we realize that the pattern never stops.  But for what trickery are we being punished?  Surely, we are all deceitful, manipulative, and selfish, but only because we recognize that we can never get ahead.  Our intentions, intellect, and career paths may meander, but the result is always the same.  With money, or without— no matter— we are all destined for the same life-arc.  And I’ve never understood people who like roller coasters.  I mean, really, do we need to be reminded of the continual up/down pattern that we are unable to escape?  It’s not a myth, nor fairy tale, nor amusement park ride conceived by Walt.  We are all the absurd heroes of our own lives, and try as we may, we can never, ever escape our fate.

posted in forever.  How did I go from a career that was 100% creative to one that is completely geared towards financial gain?  The mere question makes me want a cocktail.  I’m certainly much happier with my job change, but I’m finding it nearly impossible to find balance in my current life.  It’s go-go-go 24/7 and I’m growing tired of waking up in the middle of the night, panicking about deals falling through.  I’m definitely making more money than I ever have before, but at what cost?  I find myself examining my face in the mirror for stress lines.  This lifestyle is certainly exciting, but I think I need to start taking more time for myself.

I’m really not sure if it’s Michael’s death, or the fact that I hung out drinking beer all day with friends as we sold the many belongings that remind us of each other, or if perhaps it’s the fact that I’m just really tired these days, but regardless, I feel depressed.  My legs and lower arms are quite sunburnt.  And regardless of the angles that Jenna and I tried to manipulate our extremities towards the sun, we have still ended up resembling lobsters.  And after we all declared that we could not possibly handle the heat or the boredom or the slight melancholy that accompanies the action of selling one’s belongings, we decided to bag it all up and set off towards our favorite local watering hole, where they were, of course, playing Michael Jackson’s greatest hits.  And regardless of whether or not you believe he was a pedophile, you cannot possibly dispute his incredible dancing, nor the way his music made you feel.  I became utterly glued to the screen and was transported through a mega-wave of emotion as I recalled where I was and more so than that, WHO I was during each of his songs.  I remembered, or rather, realized, for the first time since his death, exactly why Mike is known as the King of Pop.  No one can dance like that.  No one else can convey so much emotion through those movements.  And yes, of course Mike can sing…we all know that.  But as a former dancer, I can only watch old videos of him and remember, once again, just how incredibly talented Mike was.  He was, and will live on, as one of (if not THE) best performers that has ever graced the public eye.  There are the purists who objectify music and/or dancing merely for what it is, and then there are the rest of us who are not quite so discerning and can only judge the substance for what it is.  We tend to qualify these things for the way they make us feel.  We may not exactly be able to describe the many merits in words, but we are left with a certain feeling.  And we can declare that feeling to be either positive, or negative, with many gradations in between.  But for Michael Jackson, he always has been, and always will be, just simply classically one of a kind amazing.  

Amazing.  Stuffed a bag full of clothing goods for $20.  Score!