Sometimes you need the unsolicited advice from those who’ve known you for a while. Sometimes it may seem scathing, sometimes it may hurt, and then there is the rare occasion when it makes you laugh and gives you a little confidence boost.
Thank you, Marie, for your email regarding my writing. It really made my day, and made me ecstatic to know that other people are reading. I write not only for myself— it helps me get to the bottom of problems, concerns, confusing situations, rants, and the like, but I also write for others. I write to encourage, to inform, to share ideas, to make people laugh, and also to provide sympathy on the myriad of typical, albeit absurd, human conditions. I write also because I love words and the way in which you can group them, creating subtle yet vastly different ideas and images. I write because I have to, and my fifteen or so journals that I’ve kept since the age of six represent this need.
I started to get “better” about two months ago. And by that, I mean I began to become a better version of myself. I was tired of just working to survive, and had become too wrapped up in my job and the stress of bills and whatnot. I was not doing any of the things that I ultimately aspire to do. So I decided that I was just going to “start.” I have, at this juncture of my life, the following life goals: 1) To run at least one marathon, 2) To write at least one book, 3) To travel the world, and 4) To find some sort of constant inner happiness. So I started training for a marathon — I am now more than two months in, and KNOW that I will finish and I am just ecstatic to be in this place. I also started working on a book, or, rather, RE-started writing a book I had begun a while ago (I have a bevy of these. In fact, I even have a folder on my desktop entitled, “Books that I’ve begun.”) And I’ve also started to try to get my finances in order, so that hopefully, at some point in the near future, I can afford to begin to travel the world. All of these things, as I work towards them increase goal number four— and though still not in a place where I feel constantly “comfortably” happy, I am working on it, and improving.
Training for the marathon has not only improved my physical fitness, but also my mental fitness. Many runners will tell you that they work out a lot of problems during their runs. This is definitely not the case for me. Instead, I become rather Zenned out, and very much find myself focusing on the here-and-now. Rather it’s my experience, and the connections that I’ve made between marathon training and the real world. I used to start training for marathons, only to quit, frustrated, after a mere week or two. I was mainly frustrated because I felt I wasn’t perfect enough. Perhaps my runs weren’t as fast or long as I wanted them to be. Perhaps I missed a day and rather than resuming, just called the whole things off. I naturally have more of a “sprinter’s” mind than a marathoner’s mind, but that has always been a hindrance for most things in my life. The marathon is training me to take each moment, good or bad, on or off, as it comes, and not to allow the downs to ruin the whole experience. It’s also been a tremendous confidence boost- committing to a feat that very few people ever complete in their lives; to see and feel myself becoming stronger, more capable, and to know that I CAN and WILL do this.
I am also proud to say that this experience, and being able to live more in the moment, has lead me to be successfully smoke free for ten days now— the longest I’ve ever quit since 2007. I really, honestly feel as though I may succeed this time. And to be honest, it’s been relatively easy. Perhaps I’m finally at the place where I am really ready to STOP. Again, as with the marathon, I’m taking it moment to moment, minute to minute, hour to hour, and day by day. Because the funny thing is, is that a whole bunch of moments together equals a whole lot of time.
So, thanks, Marie. You are right. Thanks for the kick in the pants and the motivating email. Sometimes we really need one of those, and I will do my best to pay the advice forward.
